I have always been taught to go into any situation with a plan A, B and C. This concept escalated into my professional career of event planning, marketing and trade show organization. But I have since learned that sometimes we can’t plan for all situations. It’s in this case we have to have a change of plans and go to Plan G (God). Today is Plan G day.
I distinctly remember my brother in law (the Tall Texas one) saying one time “if you want to make God laugh, then tell him your plans”. These words seem to be resurfacing recently over and over.
It also is occurring to me that I only find myself writing during a negative event and I don’t seem to be documenting positive events. I’m making a vow for 2018 to revise this whole blog and make sure I share just as much happy as I do sad. In honesty, my husband probably wishes I wouldn’t write or share at all but we have brought you in on this journey with us and your support and these words on your screen help me heal.
So back to why today we are on Plan G. Today was supposed to be a day of pure happiness and bliss. Justin and I were supposed to be having our first ultrasound today and getting to view this tiny vessel for the first time but that’s not happening today. Instead I’m sitting here waiting to see the doctor to discuss what’s going to happen next in our journey to become parents.
It’s the dreaded number 4 on my tally of lost pregnancies. Two weekends ago just one day shy of 6 weeks the thing I had been dreading and paranoid about since the moment I saw two pink lines happened. No warning, no reason.
Of course it couldn’t come at a better time as we were just days away from closing on our new house and moving for the second time in 60 days but that’s when you realize the most that this isn’t my plan it’s God’s and I just have to trust he is guiding me in the right direction.
I don’t write for your sympathy as I have to rise beyond that and go on with life. I due however encourage your prayers for us as we continue on this journey. I write with hopes that others out there with similar situations know they are not alone. I write to remind myself that God’s got this and I can face anything with him by my side. I write to remind myself I’m blessed with an amazing and supportive family and friends surrounding me and no matter how many times we stumble they will be there to pick both Justin and I up.
But to be completely transparent with you all, I don’t want to give you false security that everything’s fine and there isn’t grieving and bad days that take place. Some days are just plain hard or have bumps in the road. Like when I bawled last night while painting in our new house because I finally tried on my dress for my sisters wedding only to discover it was just shy of a miracle we could zip it up!! Its in those moments I have to remind myself that everyday I wake up is a blessing from God. (Side note: if you see me try to consume junk food or large amounts of carbs over the next month please remove the food or me from the situation no matter how much I beg and plead to let me eat the cheese fries!!!)
This is just another hurdle in our journey but we know the reward at the end will be worth every heart ache and every ounce of blood drawn from my body! (I hate both blood and needles in case you were unaware)
God Bless those who have continued to check on us and send prayers are way. The are appreciated. So cheers to continuing to live on faith, by faith and with faith and trusting in Plan G.